Posted on October 3rd, 2025

By: Dr. Robert W. Caruso, DMin, MDiv, MART, MA, ALMFT

Trauma has a way of making life feel small. It can convince us that we’re unsafe in our own bodies, cut off from others, and alone in our struggles. But here’s the truth: healing is always possible.

As an Adlerian therapist, I believe that at our core, we’re built for connection and belonging. Alfred Adler, one of the early voices in psychology, referred to this as social interest—our deep-seated drive to feel part of something bigger than ourselves. When life wounds us, that drive doesn’t go away. It just gets harder to trust.

That’s where polyvagal theory comes in. It teaches us how our nervous system responds to safety and threat. When danger is near—real or remembered—our body can shift into fight, flight, or even shutdown. These states once helped us survive, but when trauma keeps us stuck there, it robs us of joy, rest, and connection.

The good news? Just as our bodies learned to protect us, they can also learn to feel safe again. Healing happens when we gently invite our nervous system back into states where openness, calm, and connection feel possible.

What This Looks Like in Everyday Life

Adler used the term "lifestyle" to describe the unique pattern each of us creates for living. Trauma shapes that pattern, often bending it toward self-protection. But with awareness and encouragement, we can reshape it. We can choose ways of living that bring both safety and meaning.

Here are a few gentle starting points:

• Pause and Breathe
  Notice your body. Place a hand on your chest or belly. Take a slow, steady breath. Small cues like this tell your nervous system: It’s okay, I’m safe right now.
• Practice Encouragement
  Adler reminded us that encouragement fuels growth. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I get over this?” try saying, “It makes sense I feel this way. I’m learning a new way forward.”
• Seek Safe Connection
  Healing rarely happens alone. Whether with a trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist, being with people who make you feel safe helps regulate the body and soothe the heart.
• Rewrite Your Story
  Trauma often leaves us with painful messages: “I’m broken,” “I don’t belong,” “I’ll never be safe.” But Adler believed we can re-author those stories. You are more than what happened to you. You can write a story of resilience, courage, and connection.
• Give and Contribute
  Even small acts of kindness—such as checking in on a friend, offering a smile, or volunteering your time—help restore our sense of belonging. Service reconnects us with both community and meaning.

A Gentle Journey

Healing from trauma isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about gently reclaiming safety, connection, and purpose. It’s about building a lifestyle that supports who you are becoming, not just who you had to be to survive.

If you’ve felt stuck, know this: you are not broken. You are human. Your body has been protecting you the best way it knows how. With compassion, encouragement, and safe connection, you can learn to live fully again—rooted in safety, open to love, and alive with meaning.

✨ If this resonates with you and you’d like support on your own journey, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Healing is not something we do alone—it’s something we do together.